Courting dating hanging out
I don’t care if you’re the most self-confident, well-adjusted person around; rejection hurts. So instead of asking the person on a date, you go on approximations of dates that allow for plausible deniability of all romantic intentions. Fear of rejection alone has resulted in the proliferation of Starbucks like a French-roasted virus.It makes the remaining friendship awkward at best, humiliating at worst. People suffer through this in the hope that the object of their affection will eventually buckle and reveal his or her true feelings. They keep making up excuses to hang out, hedging all their bets and waiting for God to give them a sign.At the opposite extreme, there is “Faux Christian Dating”—in which young Christians have no idea what to do with dating, so they avoid it. “Hanging out” leads to all kinds of mixed feelings. Stop evaluating whether the new girl at church is hot enough and “low-maintenance” enough for your liking.If you take notice, if you are intrigued or interested, make a date! We are talking about one afternoon or evening together, not a lifetime.Most of marriage involves time together, one on one, in a friendship.And spending intentional one-on-one time—not too serious, just time—allows both parties to experience what it would be like to continue in the relationship.And unless someone’s making arrangements for you, it’s worth spending at least a little bit of time with the person before you decide if they are worth marrying. But it’s foolish to think that the way a girl or guy acts in a group of friends is the same as how they’ll act one on one.
They described men who drove them crazy by calling and hanging around while never asking them out on a real date. OK, he’s probably not a serial killer, but you get my point. The problem is that many people never make the leap.
As my friend Lindsey, married and in her thirties, recently remarked, “I’m sure glad I wasn’t much of a Christian when I started dating my husband!
” Whether over coffee in my kitchen or on the hallowed ground of women’s small groups, I hear these murmurs constantly.
I can’t say it clearly enough: Hanging out in groups will not be enough information to determine who is worth marrying.
Everyone is different when you get them one-on-one.