Dating a transgendered man
After my then-roommate confronted me about spending time with "some dude," she was more surprised to see me dipping outside of my normal dating pool (indie rappers and guys who brewed IPA in their bathtubs) than to find out about his transgender status, but she was totally supportive.My family was, too—after initially being confused about what exactly "transgender" means." His identity was more than a personal quirk I could use to differentiate him from other men I'd dated ("Rock Critic Guy," "Might Have a Girlfriend Guy"); being transgender wasn't a funny thing to talk about with my girlfriends over brunch.Still, I kept thinking about us in bed, and saying, "Whatever you want to do, I'll try it." What would I call that: a whateversexual?As we talked, his identity stopped seeming like an obstacle.Instead, it felt like just another aspect of him, like the gold speckle in his left eye or the anchor tattooed on his left shoulder. And at that moment, any fears about his gender vanished.Somewhere during a lull in conversation, he leaned in and kissed me. Before I could think it through, I was dating a trans guy.
On an unseasonably warm January night, we sat next to each other on my fire escape, where I felt comfortable telling him things I hadn't even told close friends, like about my struggle to get sober the year prior., I expected to do some crazy things for love: get wrapped up in a lover's drug-smuggling ring, perhaps, or steal a rival's yacht.But helping my boyfriend in his transition from female to male was not an act of devotion I could ever have anticipated.When the early relationship fog cleared and I finally did start to think about what it all meant, I realized that I wasn't attracted to the "human male" as defined by an anatomy textbook.I was attracted to masculinity, to manliness, which Liam had in spades.