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” Why do they come up with phony excuses to contact you, in order to attack your weak spots (which of course he or she has studied and known for some time) such as guilt, or defending yourself with justifications against bogus claims, and why does this person text or say things by email that are guaranteed to get your head spinning trying to work out “What on earth did that mean?
” Why narcissists keep acting out the same behaviour – the cycles of “I want you,” and then repeatedly devalue and discard you?
Additionally people have been astounded at how – even after the narcissist has moved on with a new partner – that they still make contact, and still try to affect and create reactions.
And that they, non-ashamedly, declare their “love” and “devotion” whilst doing this with another person or multiple people at the same time, or “innocently” parade a new partner in front of the ex-partner in order to hurt them.
However any attention at all, or the granting of any second, third and multiple chances is only handing the narcissist further narcissistic supply – the narcissistic drug: “The ability to affect another person and get their energy grants me significance.” Hoovering plays a HUGE role in the cycle of violence. then this is followed by a period of CALM and the cycle continues all over again.
The horrible thing about the cycle of violence is that the abuse intensifies and the cycle becomes tighter and tighter and more frequent.
The hoovering generally happens when you are not making contact, and at times when you are trying to get on with your life.
I myself have experienced the return bouts as horrendous; they happened more and more frequently and violently.
Rather than acquiesce to the pressure of the reactions of those around them – in order to self-reflect and reform – they create greater defences and bigger self-maladaptation instead.
The narcissist’s False Self cannot stand being held under scrutiny, because it is above reproach.
Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.“Hoovering” is the term used to describe a narcissist trying to re-connect with you after a time of separation.
Often, this separation occurs after a time of silence between you and the narcissist.
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,” or not at all, and then continue on with narcissistic business as usual – especially if the abused person’s boundaries and self-respect have crumbled.