Im too picky with dating men
“Well, you must be picky.”I never liked being called “picky.” It seemed petty.
The word made me feel like I was some dreamy young girl with her head in the stars.
I got over the pressure to find a relationship somewhere in the middle of writing my book last year.
I think it was something I felt, long before I was actually able to articulate it, as I didn’t have time to date anyway.
Some people are very picky about who they will date, while some are not picky at all.
By people, I mean “humans of all genders.” It is true that society counsels men to shoot at everything that moves and women to be choosy, but despite this conditioning, it doesn’t actually work out this way nearly as often as you might suppose.
Another such friend called me many months into her relationship, crying on the way home from a canoe trip because she felt so “disconnected” from her boyfriend (they are still together).
As soon as the waiter left us alone, she asked me, “What do you think it means to settle? ” It was the first time anyone had asked me point blank.
Her fiancé was one of the great-on-paper types, but I could see her angst grow the closer the big day got. “It’s settling if you feel like it is.”The definition of settling can’t possibly be universal; settling is individually felt, a gut-check against every measure of connection we’ve experienced and imagine to exist.
It made me contemplate questions like, “Am I being too hard on men? ”See, entertaining the word “picky” is the gateway drug to settling.
Most of us have had at least one spark-filled relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner who didn’t really want to commit. And for every one-date wonder, there’s a person we go on multiple dates with despite a conspicuous absence of something, chemistry, connection — that thing that makes us excited to put down our book or face inclement weather just to see someone. I used to wonder the longest a person ever waited for an emotional blip to magically materialize with their soulmate.